As a parent, you know that your child’s emotional journey can be quite a roller coaster. Whether they’re laughing at a funny scene from their favorite cartoon, crying over a broken toy, or frowning at your request to try a new veggie, children can experience a wide range of emotions from one moment to the next. While this whirlwind of feelings might be hard to keep up with at times, rest assured that it is perfectly normal. In fact, emotional expression is an important part of your child’s development.
As your child experiences feelings of happiness, sadness, and everything in between, your role is to be a source of support as you help your child understand, name, process, and manage their emotions. These important social-emotional skills can help your child successfully navigate ɫƵ and life as they learn to express their needs and wants, interact with their peers, and explore the world around them.
What is social-emotional learning (SEL)?
Social-emotional learning, often abbreviated as SEL, is the process of learning about emotions and how they relate to social interactions, norms, and expectations. Simply put, your child needs to learn to recognize what they are feeling and connect their emotions with their actions.
Babies start with small discoveries, like understanding that people smile when they are happy and pout or cry when they are sad. In preɫƵ and early elementary ɫƵ, children need to learn feeling words, such as happy, sad, frustrated, excited, mad, etc. and how to use those words to describe how they feel.
Imagine a playful day at the park. All of a sudden, a dog starts barking loudly nearby. When your little one grabs your leg and says, “Mommy, I’m scared!” It demonstrates that your child understands what fear feels like in their mind and body and that they know the proper word to label that feeling.
It also shows that your child knows to seek a trusted adult to help soothe and manage this emotion. Being able to recognize and name emotions are the first steps. Figuring out how to manage emotions — including asking for help — is a key step toward self-regulation. Self-regulation is an especially important skill when it comes to difficult emotions such as fear and anger.
While it is important for kids to know that emotions are normal and healthy, they should also learn about the boundaries and self-control needed to express themselves in an appropriate way. This can help them understand that although building that block tower may be super frustrating, tossing those infuriating blocks across the room is a big no-no.
Social-emotional learning teaches kids to seek out solutions, such as taking a deep breath, taking a break, asking for help, or redirecting their attention to a less frustrating activity as a way of managing big emotions. Keep in mind that this is something we all need to learn, and repetition is key when it comes to learning how to self-regulate. It will take lots of practice and many reminders to help your child resist the natural urge to act out when they feel overwhelmed or overpowered by their emotions.
Why is social-emotional learning important for children?
Social-emotional learning in early childhood is an important foundation and can prepare your child for future life endeavors such as ɫƵ, community involvement, and careers. Once your child develops a sense of emotional self-awareness, they can begin to apply this knowledge in social situations with others. Problem-solving, following rules, showing empathy, and building relationships are among the many SEL skills that your child can add to their emotional tool belt, equipping them for the real world later in life.
Research suggests that kids spend at least the of life developing critical social skills. This includes both physical and emotional patterns that can shape their personalities.
Research has also linked SEL to for students who demonstrate competency in these core areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) reports that “students participating in SEL at ɫƵ have higher levels of ‘ɫƵ functioning,’ as reflected by their grades, test scores, attendance, and homework completion.”
How parents can support SEL
Now that you have a better understanding of what SEL is and how it affects your child’s development, learning, and overall well-being, you’re probably wondering how you can help. Don’t worry — chances are you’re already doing your part (whether you know it or not).
Your child picks up various social messages by observing the world around them. That’s why it is especially important to model good SEL skills as a parent. Your child is like a little sponge, constantly soaking everything in as they learn social-emotional norms and expectations at home.
5 ways to support your child’s social-emotional learning and development at home
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Help your child get to know their own facial expressions.
Practice various expressions in front of a mirror with fun prompts such as, “Now, let’s make a silly face!” As you do, verbally label them and talk about emotions that may happen at the same time: Are you silly and overtired? Are you silly and excited?
You can take it a step further by using photos to help your child identify how others look and feel when they experience these emotions as well. You can also check out books such as by Janan Cain and by Abrams Appleseed to fuel this activity. Support your child in the moment when they experience strong emotions.
It can be easy for kids to forget what they’ve learned in the midst of overwhelming feelings. That’s why they may need real-time support when experiencing emotional challenges.
This could be helping your preɫƵer calm down during a tantrum, empathizing with your child when they get disappointed or get their feelings hurt, or teaching an older child deep breathing techniques to help manage anger.
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Teach your child basic character-building traits such as honesty, , and respect.
Talk with your child about what it means to be a good friend. Classic stories with morals such as Aesop’s Fables can be a great way to introduce and discuss these values with your child.
As always, keep in mind that you are your child’s first and most important teacher, so modeling these skills yourself is the one of the best ways to encourage character building.
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Use play-based learning to teach SEL skills.
Social-emotional learning might be serious business, but these skills can still be taught in a fun, lighthearted way. You can incorporate puppets, stuffies, arts and crafts, and music to work in feeling words, act out reactions in a safe space, and even game out problem-solving techniques with your child.
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Be a great listener!
When your child encounters social-emotional problems, especially at ɫƵ, they may need further guidance from you and other trusted adults. But always start by listening and empathizing with your child. As you know from experience, kids are more likely to learn and copy what they see and hear at home — especially from you — so model open listening as much as you can. Keep an open-door policy and offer your child judgment-free support whenever they need to talk.
Ask your child to take the lead in solving problems, too, by asking things like, “What else could you have done?” “If you could go back and do this again, would you ask anyone for help?”
Talking with your child and really listening to their ideas builds your relationship and boosts their confidence.
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Be flexible, patient, and forgiving.
The reality is that being a kid can be tough sometimes. As they learn the emotional dos and don’ts of life, they won’t always get it right. So, if your child does lose control of their emotions at times, try to be as supportive as possible.
Focus less on the mistake and more on guiding them through those difficult emotions. Then, help your child reflect and plan for making better choices in the future.
Social-emotional learning shapes the way children identify, express, and manage their emotions. SEL also impacts peer interactions and important skills, such as problem solving and character building.
As a parent, your support and guidance can be a great influence on your child’s social-emotional well-being. Through strategies such as modeling, coaching, listening, and play, you can help your child build healthy SEL skills from as early as birth.
It is also important to note that developmental and/or environmental factors can cause some children to continually struggle with SEL. If you have concerns, never hesitate to discuss them with your child’s pediatrician, teacher, and/or mental health professionals for further advice, support, and evaluation.