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I’m worried my child is drinking alcohol or using drugs.

Communicate your rules about alcohol and drugs.

Do: Tell your child exactly where you stand regarding underage alcohol and drug use: The only safe level of underage alcohol use is no alcohol use.

Kids whose parents take a zero-tolerance approach to drinking are less likely to use and abuse alcohol, and to suffer the related consequences.

Be proactive.

Do: Discuss situations where alcohol and drugs may be present and how your child can avoid them. Help your child come up with something they feel good about saying in front of their peers, whether it’s “I’m cutting down,” “No way — that’s not for me,” or “I’m in training,” so that they aren’t left to think of what to say on the spot.

Keep close tabs.

Do: Research shows kids whose parents keep close track of them are less likely to engage in risky behavior. Pick them up from social events. Check in with other parents. Know where your child’s going, who they’ll be with, and what they’ll be doing.

Keep an open dialogue.

Say: “Tell me about the party this weekend. Who’s going? Will people be drinking?”

Don’t punish your child for being honest.

Don’t say: “You guys were drinking at Helen’s house? You’re grounded for a month!”

Why this approach to your child drinking or using drugs matters

If you punish your child for telling you about an experience they’ve had with alcohol or drugs, they won’t talk to you about their experiences again. Tell them you appreciate their honesty and then make sure they know that you strongly disapprove of what they did and what your expectations are for their behavior in the future.

Studies show that it’s parents who have the most influence over teens’ decision to drink — or not. Even if you don’t always say the right thing, it’s a conversation that you want to keep having throughout the tween and teen years.